A couple of months into a new job, I was struggling to get things under control. On the “L”, I checked my phone to see what fire I’d be putting out that day. This time it was an author who had submitted a manuscript. He hadn’t heard anything in two years, and he was livid. It turned out he’d submitted it via an email that was no longer in use. No one had seen the submission, so it just sat there. Clearly the only way to repair the situation was to begin with an apology.
I contacted the author and apologized unreservedly for our mishandling of his manuscript. I explained that I had recently taken over the position, and I wanted to make sure this never happened again. “Can you tell me in detail what happened from your end? I’ll investigate from our end and report back to you.” That put us on the same side, working together to solve the problem.
I followed the trail of the manuscript after its submission. There had been a massive downsizing of the staff at the beginning of the Great Recession. In the subsequent reassigning of tasks some things fell through the cracks, including the monitoring of certain email accounts.
With the help of my colleagues, friends who held similar positions in other organizations, and the no-longer-disgruntled author, I revised our manuscript handling procedures. Once we’d worked through the backlog of manuscripts, we were able to publish most manuscripts within 9 months of submission.
Best of all, I now had an ally instead of an angry author. He volunteered to serve as a reviewer. Some time after that, a close friend and colleague of his died prematurely. By then we’d built up enough trust to be able to work together on the obituary.
What makes a good apology?
- Full acknowledgment of the fault: The point of an apology is to restore a relationship. You can’t do that without first naming specifically what you did wrong.
- True repentance: Once you’ve acknowledged what you did wrong, find a way to do things better next time. There’s no point in apologizing if you’re just going to keep doing the same thing over again.
What makes a non-apology?
We’ve all heard—and maybe made—non-apologies. Some things take away the power of the apology.
- Conditionals: “Apologies” that include the word “if” don’t fully acknowledge that you did something offensive or hurtful. You can’t repair the situation unless you accurately characterize what’s wrong.
- Gaslighting: “I’m sorry you feel that way,” puts the blame on the person who took offense, trivializing their feelings.
- Excuses: Be an adult; own your actions.