Everyday life is more satisfying if you balance housekeeping, homemaking, and house building. It’s a concept I learned from Barbara K. Mouser more than 20 years ago. She focused mainly on the home, but it applies more broadly.
- Housekeeping comprises the routine chores and errands necessary for basic maintenance—washing the dishes, changing the oil, paying the bills.
- Homemaking makes life more beautiful or pleasant—using the good dishes, buying flowers. Think Martha Stewart.
- House building establishes something more permanent—developing expertise, cultivating relationships, building character.
For example, munching a granola bar on the way out the door is housekeeping—you get nutrition, but not much else. Sitting down to a hot breakfast is homemaking—you’re nourishing your self, not just your body. Having friends over for brunch is house building—nurturing the relationships.
All three are necessary for living well. Housekeeping tasks may not be very satisfying beyond checking them off the to-do list. But things quickly fall apart if we neglect housekeeping. Homemaking allows us to exercise creativity and bring enjoyment to the everyday. House building enables us to leave a legacy.
Many tasks that, done once, are just housekeeping become house building when done habitually. Paying the bills once is housekeeping. Paying them on time every month builds a credit rating and a solid financial standing.
Afternoon tea
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”—The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien. Shutterstock image.
The same activity could be housekeeping, homemaking, or house building depending on how we go about it. In a previous job, my colleagues and I would break for tea in the afternoon. At first we just brewed the tea individually in our mugs. But one colleague insisted we do better. He bought a classic brown teapot and then made sure we heated it with hot water, boiled the water for the tea itself, and let it steep. Then we’d sit down for a civilized conversation.
I came to realize how important it was to take the time to do it right—and not just because the tea tasted better. Boiling the water and steeping the tea take time. And once you pour the tea, you have to sip it slowly. Slowing down from our daily activity was calming, allowing us to think things through. The quality of our conversations improved considerably. And that colleague could bring wisdom and clarity to almost any situation over a pot of tea. Problems were more manageable by the time the teapot was empty.
Balancing housekeeping, homemaking, and house building
Life might be more satisfying if we elevated more housekeeping tasks to homemaking or house building. But it takes a lot of thought to infuse beauty or purpose into the mundane. Can we afford to expend that effort on every task? Is there enough time to get it all done? Or would we end up neglecting necessary tasks that don’t lend themselves to upgrading?
In planning my week, I try to include all three kinds of activity. A week devoted to housekeeping is productive but not very satisfying. But for an introvert like me, a few hours of mindless routine allow time and space to process what I take away from house building activities.
Homemaking takes more effort than housekeeping, but yields more satisfaction. There are times, though, when enough is enough. This week, for example, I’m marking up my students’ draft reports. Because they’re just learning how to write technical reports for their clients, they aren’t very good at it—yet. Giving the students thoughtful, detailed feedback will equip them to write better final reports. And they’ll develop a skill that will serve them well for their entire careers. But marking up the drafts is a tedious slog. This is not the time for extra projects; I need to concentrate on those drafts. So I may opt for takeout rather than cook from scratch.